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*says ROGER PRICE 
droodler and raconteur 

“While I’m relaxing with friends . . . playing parlor 
games like Mad Libs or Spin the Bottle, I like to 
light up a Humbug. You can tell that Humbug is good 
by the even-burning ash of the Homogenized pages.” 


Gentlemen: I too would like to light up a HUM- 
BUG. Please enter my subscription for the next 
14 issues for which I am enclosing $3.00. 

NAME . 

STREET 

CITY STATE 

Send to HUMBUG, 598 Madison Ave., N. Y. 22, N. Y. 


EDITOR — HARVEY KURTZMAN MANAQER — HARRY CHESTER ASST. EDITORS — JACK DAVIS. WILL ELDER, AL JAFFEE. 
ARNOLD ROTH CONTRIBUTORS — BLECHMAN, ROQER PRICE LARRY SIEQEL J SWIFT TRUMP. 

— 

MAN - WE'RE BEAT! 


Oh yes — it's too much. 

Radiation has got us beat. 

The levelling-off period has got us beat. 
Satire has got us beat. 

1953 — We started MAD magazine for 
a comic-book publisher and we did some 
pretty good satire and it sold very well. 

1956 — We started TRUMP magazine 
(see pg. 31) and we worked much 
harder and we did much better satire 
and we sold much worse. 

1957 — We started HUMBUG maga- 
zine and we worked hardest of all and 
turned out the very best satire of all, 
which of course now sells the very 
worst of all. 

We stated to our readers in HUMBUG 
#1, page 1, quote: "We won’t write for 
morons. We won't do anything just to 
get laughs. We won't be dirty. We 
won’t be grotesque. We won't be in bad 
taste. We won't sell magazines." 
Humbug has no! let it’s readers down! 

And now ... as they throw rocks 
at Vice President Nixon ... as space 
gets cluttered with missiles . . . and 
as our names are carefully removed 
from our work in MAD pocket- 


RANDAN 3 

HUMBUi; HOLIDAY ALBUM 5 

JUDO 6 

RACING FANS 7 

FILTERS 10 


books — a feeling of beat ness creeps 
through our satirical veins and capil- 
laries and we think how George S. 
Kaufman once said, "Satire is some- 
thing that closes Saturday night", and 
we wonder what day it is and we turn 
to our mail-box to the letters of the 



Us 


other beat ones from all over the land. 
And here is what they are saying: 

NEW FORMAT 

Dear Editor Harvey Kurtzman: 

No! NO! NO! ! Humbug was so 
nice and simple and effective in the 
15c edition — now the new 25c version 

<ra*s&*n) 

TABLE OF CONTENTS 


will degenerate , . .. There are some 
types of magazines which are at their 
best only when they are intimate and 
subtle . . . The 15c Humbug was perfect 
in every respect — if you need money 
that badly, keep the old format and 
raise the price to 25c. I'll gladly pay it 
rather than have another Life-size mag 
cluttering up the house . . . You still 
print the best satire in the country. 

— J. McConnell 
Durham, N. C. 

. . . Another crumy magazine like 
yours has 48 pages, compared to your 
32 for the same expensive price of 25c. 
You better have 48 pages next issue or 
else. — Tony Ames 

Phoenix, Arizona 

Crumy? — ed. 

Hoo-Hah on your first enlarged edi- 
tion; it’s great stuff man. Elder and 
Davis now have some work to do. There 
are still some improvements though: 

1 — Thicken the magazine to 4,000 
pages. 

2 — Take the chicken fat out of the 
ink. Criminy Dutch ! 

— Wayne D. Komer 
Ontario, Canada 

... I am glad your mag had a face- 


TV TITLES II PORTRAIT OF THE WEST 84 

WHO GETS KILLED 14 GULLIVERS TRAVELS 26 

MUSCLE MAGAZINES 15 BLECHMAN 2V 

OLD PRINTS IV CONFORMISTS :■» 

THE WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER. . 22 TRUMP 31 



lifting. It was hard straining my eyes 
to find it on the newsstands . . . 

— • Norman Triglia Jr. 

New York, N. Y. 

I hope your magazine won't be too 
adult for my cute little niece. She is 
24 . . . — Joanne Surasky 

Philadelphia, Pa. 

CRITICISM AND PRAISE 

You are a disgrace to the entire 
satire magazine industry. You have used 
photographs! ... I may sound harsh, 
but we like art, no photos. Please. 

— Larry Weiss 
Los Angeles, Cal. 

... I will laugh as loud and as long 
as anyone else when reading your maga- 
zine until you bring in religion and 
place it up to possible ridicule. I am 
Roman Catholic by religion and two 
things I saw in your magazine I DID 
NOT LIKE. One, the drawing of the 
monk and second, the drawing of the 
Holy See. These were apparently put in 
for laughs as was everything else on 
that page. I now speak for approx- 
imately 150 members of the A.V.M.C., 
in Baltimore, who saw, disliked and 
will stop buying if it continues. 

— Jack Malstrom 
Baltimore, Md. 


is for 

C is f ° r 

Oly things 



ILm. 

-■ o 
Hol > S ^ i 


Disliked 


Your article on pages 23, 24, 25 and 
31 of the May Humbug has long been 
needed. Never before has the American 
freedom of the press been truly real- 

In our town several stores that sold 
Humbug have been burnt down .... 

— Robert J. Mathery 
Wood River, 111. 

I read that story in your May issue 
of Humbug, you were right, it was like 


nothing I have ever read before . . . 
You should have that story published 
in book form ... — Bill Cheely 

Cleveland, Ohio. 


Page 24 

. . . pages 23, 24, 31 were some of the 
best you ever printed. 

— Stanley Friedenburg 
Rego Park, N. Y. 

... 1 removed page 24, framed it, 
titled it "Snow White in a Snow 
Storm" ... — Richard Chylla 

Utica, Michigan 


In the letter column of the latest 
Humbug, I discovered several letters 
that were either very subtle satire or 
(if they were real ones) were positively 
sickening! Both were from irate mothers 
who were threatening to condemn 
Humbug before their Local Ladies Tem- 
perance and Book Burning Clubs. 

Humbug dared to characterize a fam- 
ous painting of a nude. And horrors of 
horrors that "dirty book” also dared 
to lampoon the maudling overdone 
story of "little Benny Hooper". Cer 
tainly we are all glad to see him saved. 
But we also get rather sick and tired 
of seeing his picture plastered across 
the front page of every newspaper in 
the country for several months after 
his rescue. And by the same token, after 
about the 86th time, we begin to tire 
of seeing television emcees fawning 
over him and giving him wrist watches 
and rocking horses, while asking him, 
"What did you think about down 
there?” 


As I understand it. Humbug is an 
adult humor magazine specializing in 
satire. As such it shouldn't be required 
to limit its humor to the grade-school 
comic book level as another similar 
magazine has chosen to do. On the 
contrary it should strive to appeal more 
to adults. 

As for Humbug's recent actions be- 
ing labeled "not in good taste" — any 
student of humor can tell you that 
humor and especially satire is not meant 
to be in "good taste". 

John Dryden aptly said, "The true 
end of satire is the amendment of vices 
by correction. And he who writes hon- 
estly is no more an enemy to the of- 
fender than the physician to the patient, 
when he prescribes harsh remedies to 
an inveterate disease". 

The greatest vice of our time is that 
people take themselves too seriously. 
Americans are no longer willing to 
laugh at themselves . . . 

— Dell Mortimer 
Houston, Texas 

. . . It's all to clear pomber kimet 
with smlonys. — Lokraska Myilkadoit 
Mikobg 

Enclosed is a snapshot of myself. I 
am forming a club for teenagers with 
cruddy minds. "We read Humbug" club 


Lokraska Renicke 

will do . . . — Renicke Splud 

Fort Worth, Texas 

The voice of So. California speaks. 
We are sick and tired of people writing 
to you and condeming your (and our) 
magazine because this or that is in bad 
taste. Phooey! We want Humbug to be 
as corrupt as possible . . . 

— Tom Eccleson 
El Centro, Calif. 

letters continued on page 47 




MOVIES 


RANDAN 

This Japanese science-fiction thriller with English 
dubbed in, has shattered all theatre records, be- 
cause though it may not be the best science-fiction 
film, it’s the noisiest . . . and that's what shatters 
the records. The story starts in a small Japanese 
mining town where the air is full of evil omens. 




(The TThe ISesu 
[sounds coal (broke 
sound jlooksja mir- 
levil ! jevil! jror. 


II— Fights arej There is 
breaking | an evil 
out amongstl smell in 
lithe men ^ 1 the shaft! 

: : ' A BBtffi/frrhe ' 


My THediekilAi 
arth- llost his Iwhat 
ritis Irabbit's levil 
hurtsllfoot! lomens! 


(Go, Shiguru! The 
need an engineer 
in the shaft. It 
|has evil omens! 


Hi! Anything evil happening down here? 


No! We've had a lovely day. But there'! 
t trouble in the mine in the next town. 








that dumb 




It is a 

Notice how the | 





monster out 


to speed with proper l 

of the pro- 

construct cur- | 

wing-flap, will create [- 

historic ^ 

rents of air to | 

supersonic shock-waves [ 

past! 

destroy the city! 1 

of hurricane intensity ... 






Gentle- I From Shiguru’s observations, it 
men! Well is clear the monster bird is a 

| prehistoric Randan, long buried 
in an egg. After millions of 
I years its dormant life juice's flu- 
t metabolism have been 
ted by the Atom bomb. 





Therefore, it has halchcd-and because 
of the A bomb, it can now fly thru the 
stratosphere with Atomic power— because 
of its Atomified muscles. Which proves 
they shouldn't have dropped the Atom 
bomb and all Atom bombs should be got- 
ten rid of because they are no good. 






&I, humbuq holiday album m 3 g 


The Fourth of July 


' j a 

. i. cWfitVll 

) ^ .. t 

// _Oas 

Ej " » 



■V SPORTS,/] 


RACINQ FANS 

The sophisticated Sport of Kings attracts the world’s most sophisticated and well-mannered people. 

These pictures capture the spirit at the track during that magnificent moment of truth when the horses cross the 
finish line— proving that the greatest excitement in sport is created by animals . . .as they watch the horses go by. 



J * U * D * O 

Lessons in this practical sport 

Here are useful Judo lessons for Humbug read- 
ers. The science of Judo, you know, cancels 
out physical advantage, i. e., a little lady who 
knows Judo can beat up a big Marine — unless 
the Marine also knows Judo— in which case the 
little lady had better not start up with him. 



OVERHEAD 

FLING 

if 

|P 

Man with a club attacks 
the girl from behind. 

With a lightning motion 
she grabs his club hand. 

SIP 



SI 

Natural leverage puts hint 
in position for wrist-flip. 

Then, with a quick, sim- 
ple toss, he is disarmed. 


VITAL SPOT 




Robber with gun holds up 
defenseless (hah) woman, 


She never learned Judo with 
guns — asks he use club. 


As club descends, womai 
turns for "overhead-fling. 


Then she , . . hinml This 
crook doesn't know Judo! 


Woman now deftly applies 
a quick " finger-twist 


She quickly applies one 
finger jab to "vital-spot. 


This robber, obvious I, 


tlcklisl 


Crook is knocked out. / 
other example, proving . 


Nothing can beat Judo. 


FOLLOW THROUGH 


SIDE-HAND SLASH 


^-IM- 


PRACTICAL APPLICATION - JUDO AS DEFENSE IN PICTURES OF ACTUAL HOLD-UP! 




i final strength, she -then applies sudden full. 

says shoe-lace is untied— fisted uppercut to the ;'i 


At 'UftSSlirtfs 

Abort, aJLce^oLcs 

ofs, otvUSL, gas Vt/4L 
%3.‘D'.U~ Crts CHAV 
rttckAs . *94' ■yW'it' 
:'\JjUAA^rt*ty gsVSrtaLsj 
uk'M Ms sCOj^sn^ 
ffrts ■tfuks 90tOs 0$s 
AAjL Usdd 

g&ts.gt. Jut'-tf- pty" <4s- 

<**fHs -&vi*uC } 

^KaXs 'rt&M&s 4 AXS*jLUS{s 
-ft&l/flxcO ov-'baiMit 


m elevision has recently turned to a 
X highly explosive source of material 


for show ideas . . . fairy tales. Larry 
Siegel has received permission to reprint 
part of a TV script for a forthcoming 
television Spectacular with very minor 
revisions proposed by the Program Edi- 
tor .. .a tribute to the industry’s courage 
and refusal to compromise art— as dem- 
onstrated in this treatment of .. . 


SINQ A SO N Q OF S 


Sing a song of C 


Seven farthing s 


CL dasw^ts tPOA- use-ids $01 

as srviUwiAs 
its COrts -la&ty -&C 
■~n0Usnc&L -i^e^o^Ms ' 
/YvssmMsut. AsseoJuL <t&- 
JiMAXj&A. iMggs A/siXgjfOts 
aUrttysriQ. Xfijl thsmis. 



&IU&. o^s/Msvu- 


frnts atXisns^ 
cue owtssis- M&y^aL , 
gsxd- JfoP&AjtsirdeMsCs 
. £qXs‘-4. 

sti-O’C' £&- MJLs 

-dsvnJ p sitf. f yirW- 
saa*£*vUL. aJLiseoaXond 
XdiOs a4s*&X**rH' a£ tr 

(P<AUls ^<AS-e-t^s 

sA^n^OuuAsoUoaJLslArtns' . 


A pocket full of'fejrue, wflifee and wliol#wtat bread. 

wAitg 

Four and twenty birds 


C</£s J2igjL X&stZasu. 
cJUasv o$s zAUl cM&v 
tyns X,.svi i$s aasO c^ueu 


Baked in a pie. 

When the pie was open 

Rig ,- 


£><>V 6 - - . 

tfteir moy tf<+ clamped sfcut. 
Wasn't that a dainty dish not oaring on* u*<^, or tfwotW 


To set before the 3i5«j^FVigfeicfc-n t and a bi-y artisan ex>n^rgfe- 
,^d e ot: and^cemmitteesocre ion a I Comm,ttsSe . 


FFe°iEt^=wa« in the "parlor 
Praising F.&-I- and condemning \eptb sy. 


firfet la^lu and wives of tfhe bipartisan con^rffmonal committee were 
rwa ntiA»n wan in the kitchen 


&t‘4, tyttSly. /82*f*UL\ 
^0ACsCs xA&s sWveirtXieTc: 


Pr<e wives of the P.B.i .a«d concfamiutg l<fn*u 

Bating— bread- and honey, 4 ~ — -- 


-{it/jty. 'VA&' CXSAls fO. &.& 
^S2s-Ucts*siac -tftLusl&HyUrtp?/ 


The maid was in the garden 

lOfvle tJhe dotFcft werf <dri$ln<j,in tfce electrical dryer in die douse 

— Hanging uutt i h e ^ol e * ' 

fyj&s smOsy. Ms agiirto^wu^ j _ _ wfjn < te _ 


-*Asis aXs^err-o. tQsJX^. 
&usisri£4J. $dscXLe^v 
-4/yis o-UsOs iZccoiiSsKeA^ . 


Along came a black- bird 
And nipped off her nose. 


f -SiirtsCJls ttuis ynousLs 
JL&*Xs .gjiAs /yi&sdlsj -AtgiLs 
dX&ds. 


— ' Wftereupor' bi^witR proper 
~~y (raal nrfr & gtfn cation was 

■Tried , M>«vic.t ed j and. fi3V'0ft£ 


h.'s beaK- 


[VXU.si4 ^ -f***^! 

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uXty- defats 

JssyfiS' srn&ULs JsyyyAOZ 
Xosrots dermudcCs asntc 
soyv&vnpjte&vv*^ orma^ 
JrtrtsVls Q-ts XAjLy st/iC^s 

o$- Cwh&vt+iaa w 


aL tss&dks CsOXuZs? -Urtls OsVLs smeOsp^JLUr cA^Ll<ysJu-cL Jto- 

^ulvriA^ XUsc rrrurtuUsiMs MifarU- ~*9 jl -isruC o£s aAjl 


JC 


d*ts a£-&v<s. 



-up shows working diagram of filter-tip, illustrating frustration smoke faces trying to get thru. 


MEDICINE 


report on cigarette 

FILTER TIPS 


In the beginning - smoke was enjoyed by everybody. 
Then came medical tests, and worried people stopped 
smoking. Then came the filter-tip which filtered out harm- 
ful smoke. But then, without smoke, smoking wasn’t fun 
—so then came stronger tobacco. —Now people have their 
filters and their smoke and everything is all right again 





TV. 

TITLES 


Let us take note of a vital, 
yet seldom talked about 
element of a television 
show . . . the t.v. title. TV 
title-makers today are 
unsung heroes, much as 
movie title-makers . . . 

Working modestly, they 
evolve new techniques, 
the latest of which, we 
show here. But first, we’d 
like to point out that time 
was when a title would ap- 
pear as a prelude to a tele- 
play in this manner . . . 



(Drum roll, blending into (heme music) 



(Theme up .. . dramatically played . . .) 


However — new' horizons 
beckoned. A still further 
technique was introduced 
to intrigue the viewer, 
and to hold him for the 
more important part . . . 
the heart of the program 
mainly the commercial! 



TELEVISION 



(Theme up, dramatically played . . .) 


Notice how this style is 
basically the same cliff- 
hanger technique that 
made Flash Gordon chap- 
ters famous. However, it 
wasn’t until recently that 
tin; king-size cliff-hanger 
was introduced to us . . . 



(Sounds: Guffawing — glasses tinkling) 



"Now gel out of Lunkville an stay out I 



We don't like strangers in Lttnkville! 


I hale strangers, don't you, boys 


I especially hr. 


■ Mary Lou?’ 


Tasmaniar 



Naturally, by now, you 
and the program have 
now blended into one, 
and you’re too happy to 
watch the commercial 
which follows the title. 
How far — we wonder can 
they move the titles up? 



"Paw, Tasmanians kidnapped my boy." 



"I hale all Tasmanians! String him up!" 



"Wail! He's innocent!" "It's Mary Lou!" 






Oh how wrong have I been, son, hating 
Ta t —The message is very clear 
and / can see how it applies to the 
whole social and political scene. I sud- 
denly realize the importance of trial by 
jury and the unfairness of mob psychol- 
ogy, and they shouldn't lynch you alone 
for being Tasmanian — for I know / too 
am Tasmanian — I know the just thing 
is — They should lynch us both! 

Co ahead son . . . violate . . . that is, 
what I mean to say is like, buy Mary 
Lou all the violets you want . . ." 




"This station Is now going off the air— 



. of the freeeee." (Drums and theme ) 





MOM HAS TWO F OI NE SONS . . . and "you know who" gels killed. 


UNDER THE BIO TOP , . . and “ you know who” gets killed. 




PRESS 

MUSCLE 

magazines 


Whol to do 
about the 

CHARLIE 
HORSE I 


You may have a good sense of humor, hut 
do you have muscles? 

If you are weak and flabby like us, per- 
haps you should invest your money in the 
‘muscle,’ rather than the ‘humor’ magazine. 

And if you don't know what a muscle 
magazine is .. . read this article. 


THE MAGAZINE FOR FRFSH 


ISCLEMENT 

Sr MUOR 


HOW TO BUILD MUSCLES ON THE MUSCLES 


mu5cledam 


Herman Bound 

EDITOR AND PUBLISHER 


LARRY SIEGEL -ASSISTANT EDITC 






JUST MAIL THIS COUPON TODAY 


MAIL TO: HERMAN BOUND HACKENSACK, N. J. 


Through this magazine 1 want to transfuse some of my mus- 
clement to you. 

Why are muscles important? 

Because since time immemorial, the wheels of revolving physi- 
cal progress have spun roundly in an encircling movement of 
spherical rotundity, nurtured by the sinews of globosity. 

Or to state it another way, if you have muscles, when you sit 
on a beach for months with no shirt on, even in the middle of 
the winter, and catch pneumonia, your doctor won't have to ! 
inject a needle into bony skin. 

It is the purpose of this magazine to sell you on the principles of 
self-development. 

it is also the purpose of this magazine to sell you the Herman 
Bound Gym Dumbbell Set. 

And Herman Bound's Protein Pills, Herman Bound's Exercise 
Bench, - Herman Bound's Wheat Germ Oil, and all of Herman 
Bound's other muscle magazines. 

You will want to buy all this. 

You had better buy all this. 

Why? 

Because / say so. 

1 am more muscled than you. 


ASK A MUSCLE 
QUESTION, 

GET A MUSCLE 
ANSWER 
by Herman Bound 

Q. I feel I have an excellent chance of becoming "Mr. Ameri- 
ca," because along with my excellent latissimus and biceps, I 
have just developed impressive muscles several inches above my 
trapezius, on both sides of my neck. What do you think? 




Q. Are you the Herman Bound who puts out the Herman Bound 
Gym Dumbbell Set, the Herman Bound Protein Pills, the Her- 
man Bound Wheat Germ Oil, and the other Herman Bound 
muscle magazines? 

A. Yes, Iml it’* hardly proper for me to discuss these things, out- 
side of the advertisements, isn't it? (Also the Herman Bound 
Exercise Bench). 

* * * 

Q. I have a wonderful rippling-musclcd physique. However, I 
was just disqualified from the "Mr. Morris Avenue” and six 
other contests. I was also banned by my gym and fined $500. 
The reason being, last Wednesday on the beach, I wore a shirt 
for an hour and a half. Is this fair? 


Q. What is the best thing for weak ear-lobes? 


Q. I am a beautiful girl of 23. At the 1956 Olympics, 1 fell in 
love with a handsome, muscular Russian weight-lifter named 
N. Kopovokov. Although I never spoke to him, I have written 
him many times; but he hasn't answered me. What should I do? 
A. Forget the whole thing. She got married lust month. 





MUSCLE 
MEN 
MASS IN 
MIGHTY 
MUSCLE- 
RAMA! 


old friends discussing serious matters in the refreshment hall. 


ABDOMINAL REGION CONTEST BY HERMAN BOUND 


A REPORT ON THE MR. 

M any years ago in Europe I met a 
frail, bushy-haired fellow. I decided 
to help him. 

“Hello, frail, bushy-haired fellow,” I 
said to him. "I am Herman Bound. I put 
out the Herman Bound Bar-Bells, Herman 
Bound Wheat Germ Oil, and all the Her- 
man Bound muscle magazines." 

“Hello, Herman Bound," said the frail, 
bushy-haired fellow. “I am Albert Ein- 

He then left, and to his misfortune, I 
never saw him again. 

Why am I telling this poignant, down- 
to-earth story? 

Well, for one thing, somewhere in this 
heart-warming report, I wanted to impress 
upon you the importance of the Herman 


Bound Exercise Bench and other Herman 
Bound Products. 

Also, I wanted to emphasize the fact 
that there were no frail, bushy-haired fel- 
lows at the greatest muscle show of the 
century last month — the “Mr. World-Pro- 
fessional - American - East - Coast - Hackcn - 
sack-Abdominal-Region-Contcst" (M. W. 
R A. E. C. Hackensack A. R. C.). 

As you know, I have been a part of 
many truly historic events in my colorful 
life-time. On November II, 1918, it was 
the "Mr. Arctic-Zonc-Neck-Muscles" con- 
test. On December 7, 1 94 1 , it was the "M r. 
Peoria -Shore - Apartments - Eighth - Floor- 
Biceps" competition, to name a few. 

Well, let us go to last month. You for- 
get those other shows as you stride into 


"Lats" Fazzuli's gymnasium and see some 
of the fabled men of our time-like Roger 
Thumpkin ("Mr. Ncw-Zealand- Wrists"). 
And that fellow, flexing his triceps and 
pounding his chest like any other average 
guy-that is Dick DuBench ("Mr. Uni- 
verse - Equator- South - Chicago -Shoulder- 
Blades"). 

And then as the muscle orchestra breaks 
into a medley of muscle tunes, you instinc- 
tively begin to giggle. Because this is the 
time for Muscledom's great humorist, 
George Oaferman (“Mr. West -Europe- 
North- Professional - Flatbush -Forearms”) 
to come on stage. 

You know, I think it's a wonderful thing 
to have a witty guy like George Oaferman 
around with his hilarious routines. 



A SHORT BUT EXTREMELY VITAL EXERCISE FOR THE SERIOUS MUSCLE BUILDE 



Whenever I say lo him, “George, your 
sense of humor is worth a million dollars, 
don't ever lose it," he looks at me solemnly 
and says sincerely, “I won't, Herman.” 
Whereupon he proceeds to drop his pants 

revealing bright purple polka-dot tights. 

Well, I guess I'm a sucker for that kind 
of low-pressure humor because I laugh 
so hard, my trapezius aches. What an un- 
predictable cut-up that guy is! 

And now you see him doing his sophis- 
ticated comedy bits. You roar as he walks 
around with a dumbbell-shaped lamp- 
shade on his head, and things like that. 
And then you draw a breath and prepare 
for the final and greatest laugh— his pants- 
dropping act. 

And tears of mirth flood your eyes, as 
the trousers fall. But that crazy, lovable 
George . . . This time-no tights! 

George hurries off wrapped in a towel, 
the house lights dim, and a nervous buzz 
runs through the audience. It is now time 
for the Main Event. 

The curtain parts and your blood begins 
to race fiercely through your veins, your 
heart pounds wildly, your deltoids twitch 
and you feel a catch in your throat. For 
I here on the stage is one of the most mag- 
nificent sights imaginable to the human 
eye. 

Twenty-five rippling-muscled men in 
tights, their bodies well-oiled, each muscle 
glistening, arc standing side by side, mus- 
18 


cles flexed, looking grimly intelligent. And 
to the accompaniment of a long drumroll 
they’re rotating their abdominal muscles 
counterclockwise, in perfect unison. 

Suddenly everything makes sense. Those 
long hours of training and conditioning — 
those arduous days posing on the beaches 
- those weary trips to the household 
money jar to borrow for buying home gym 
sets — those weeks in the gym hiding from 
unemployment office inspectors. All of 
this suddenly seems worth-while. 

Because you now realize that the win- 
ner of this, M. W. R A. E. C. Hackensack 
A. R. C. will be qualified to Compete foi 
the greatest prize available to an American 
male. The crown in next month’s M. W. R 
A. E. C. Hoboken A. R. C. 

And then you see the great musclemen 
step forward, one by one, on the stage to 
display their amazing talents, and to the 
accompaniment of thunderous outbursts 
of applause we see the ever-popularflexed- 
bicep pose, the thinker pose, the archer- 
pulling-the-bowstring pose, the punch-my- 
self-in-the-face pose and so forth. 

And when it’s over, you know who the 
winner is and you also know why. Bert 
Goodrock! — who has absolutely fired the 
imagination of the audience by becoming 
the first man in all Muscledom to present 
the incredible feat of rotating one abdom- 
inal muscle clock-wise and another coun- 
ter clock-wise — at the same time — while 


lapping his head! AND ON ONE FOOf 

And you are so excited and so happy 
the judges give Bert his cup that you nev 
in a million years can imagine tragedy 
about to strike. 

f don’t think there is any point in goir 
into that terrible thing again. You a 
heard about it or read about it in tb 
papers. You know what happened whe 
laughable George Oaferman, while clowi 
ing with Bert Goodrock, mistakenly lit 
trick match loo close to Bert's heavi: 
oiled body . . . 

But before I close, I want to say thL 
All those who think that musclemen don 
stick together, or don’t have feelings an 
respect for their buddies, are wrong. 

We had a 100% turnout for Bert Gooc 
rock’s funeral, most of us leaving beache 
and gyms, right in the middle of some c 
our most important work, to attend. 

Even George Oaferman was at the ft 
neral parlor. And believe me, he was we 
come. Because if he didn’t arrive in h: 
purple polka-dot tights to cheer us up 
bit, I don’t know what we would hav 
done. 

However, when the service startec 
George immediately changed into blac 
tights, like the rest of us. 

Bert would have wanted it that way 

xfli*- 


HUMBUQ 

Printmakers to the 
American people 




PRESENTS 



FOR FUTURE VIEWINQ 


These fine engravings (printed from original plates and 
suitable for framing) are hereby produced for the future— not 
only for art's sake, but for the historian and anthropologist of the 
future who will find them entertaining, enlightening and a clue 
to the quaint customs of the American people in 1958 A.D. 








HOME SWEET HOME (TOGETHERNESS) 

An electronic miracle successfully performs the combined influences of love, re- 
ligion and/or expected inheritance in keeping the devoted family group together. 


21 



fH&tOQRAPHY 


THE 'WEDDING 
PHOTOQRAPHER 


Uvtu. 



Hvu & ' 


Jt. U)ludaL/YMfW^ fyuy , 




mmmw&A m mw 


A historical sketch of that territory, carefully researched and 


YOUNG’UN : 
Please lei me 
watch the gun- 
fight, gramps 
— don't frus- 


STREET BRAWLER: 

You dirty cheat — I’m going 
to thrash you! . . . First — 
for dealing me a had 
hand — and second, for 
an emotional outlet! 


HERO: / don't want 
to draw, Ringo — 

The men I've outdrawn 
have given me a guilt 
complex. Subconscious 
ly — l can't draw. 


VILLAIN : When I was a child 
my lather used to lock me in 
the bureau drawer— Ever since 
then, I've had a trauma about 
drawers . . . They tell me you're 
the fastest drawer . . . 


GRAMPS: Don’t admire gunfighters, boy . . . 
For every last gun, there's a faster gun. Besides 
— gunfighters are unstable psychologically. 


GIRL: Where's your libido, Matt! You can be 
good inside, but out here, men destroy you 

if you don't have a strong, fortified ego! 




enled from adult western movies and television, with identifying ca| 


lions. 


IZEN : Why don't you stop 'em, sheriff? // you don't 

op 'em now, the accumulating tension is bound to explode . , . 

SHERIFF : When I was young, I had no rein on my 
emotions. However, over the years, my conscious mind 
has tempered the id and I'm keeping out of trouble. 

1 2nd CITIZEN : It's such rationalizing that allowed a 
I psychotic mob to lynch that innocent man. In the old 
I days -he would have been saved at the last minute. 


INDIAN : The redman has burned 
and killed —but with the coming 
of the white man, there has been 
no security — only frustration. 


SOLDIER : Go back to your people 
Cochise. Tell them the great white 
father in Washington has removed Gen. 
Custer. Tell your people we didn't 
realize the General was neurotic. 


DOC : The bullet wound 
is superficial — but the 
experience may have far- 
reaching emotional con- 
sequences. Now if you'll 
lay down on the couch — 
relax, and tell me any- 
thing that comes to 
mind . . . 

H0f*< 



CLASSICS 


(For intelligent readers onljJ 


SHORT EXCEtf 


VJLL I s 


r 


from the pen of 
Jonathan Swift.. . 
concerning adventures 
that befell Lemual 
Gulliver, who upon 
being shipwrecked on 
the Island of Lilliput, 
is captured while 
by the tiny 
Lilliputians; and 


to gain the good 
of the Emperor. 


PT FROM THAT CLASSIC OF SATIRE... 

VER'S TRAVE LS 


My gentleness and good behaviour 
had gained so far on the Emperor and 
his court, and indeed upon the army 
and people in general, that I began to 
conceive hopes of getting my liberty 
in a short time. I took all possible 
methods to cultivate this favourable 
disposition. The natives came by de- 
grees to be less apprehensive of any 
danger from me. I would sometimes 
lie down, and let five or six of them 
dance on my hand. And at last the 
boys and girls would venture to come 
and play at hide and seek in my hair. 

. . . The Emperor having ordered that 
part of his army which quarters in 
and about his metropolis to be in readi- 
ness, took a fancy of diverting himself 
in a very singular manner. He desired 
I would stand like a Colossus, with my 
legs as far asunder as I conveniently 
could. He then commanded his Gen- 
eral (who was an old experienced 
leader, and a great patron of mine) to 
draw up the troops in close order, and 
march them under me, the foot by 
twenty-four in a breast, and the horse 
by sixteen, with drums beating, colours 
flying, and pikes advanced. This body 
consisted of three thousand foot, and 
a thousand horse. His Majesty gave or- 
ders, upon pain of death, that every 
soldier in his march should observe 
the strictest decency with regard to my 
person; which, however, could not pre- 
vent some of the younger officers from 
turning up their eyes as they passed 
under me. And, to confess the truth, 
my breeches were at that time in so ill 
a condition, that they afforded some 
opportunities for laughter and admira- 

I had sent so many memorials and 
petitions for my liberty, that his Ma- 
jesty at length mentioned the matter, 
first in the cabinet, and then in a full 
council; where it was opposed by none, 
except Skyresh Bolgolam, who was 
pleased, without any provocation, to be 
my mortal enemy. But it was carried 


against him by the whole board, and 
confirmed by the Emperor the articles 
and conditions upon which I should 
be set free, and to which I must swear 
were brought to me by Skyresh Bol- 
golam in person, attended by two un- 
der-secretaries, and several persons of 
distinction. After they were read, I 
was demanded to swear to the perform- 
ance of them; first in the manner of 
my own country, and afterwards in the 
method prescribed by their laws; which 
was to hold my right foot in my left 
hand, to place the middle finger of my 
right hand on the crown of my head, 
and my thumb on the tip of my right 

I swore and subscribed to these ar- 
ticles with great cheerfulness and con- 
tent, although some of them were not 
so honourable as I could have wished; 
which proceeded wholly from the 
malice of Skyresh Bolgolam the High 
Admiral: whereupon my chains were 
immediately unlocked, and I was at 
full liberty. 

One morning, about a fortnight * 
after I had obtained my liberty, Rel- 
dresal, principal Secretary (as they style 
him) of Private Affairs, came to my 
house attended only by one servant. 
He ordered his coach to wait at a dis- 
tance, and desired I would give him 
an hour's audience; which I readily 
consented to, on account of his quality 
and personal merits, as well as the 
many good offices he had done me 
during my solicitations at court. I of- 
fered to lie down, that he might the 
more conveniently reach my ear; but 
he chose rather to let me hold him in 
my hand during our conversation. He 
began with compliments on my liberty; 
said he might pretend to some merit 
in it: but, however, added, that if it 
had not been for the present situation 
of things at court, perhaps I might not 
have obtained it so soon. For, said he, 
as flourishing a condition as we may 
appear to be in to foreigners, we la- 


bour under two mighty evils; a violent 
faction at home, and the danger of an 
invasion by a most potent enemy from 
abroad ... we are threatened 
with an invasion from the Island of 
Blefuscu, which is the other great em- 
pire of the universe, almost as large 
and powerful as this of his Majesty. 
For as to what we have heard you af- 
firm, that there are other kingdoms 
and states in the world inhabited by 
human creatures as large as yourself, 
our philosophers are in much doubt, 
and would rather conjecture that you 
dropped from the moon, or one of the 
stars; because it is certain, that an hun- 
dred mortals of your bulk would, in a 
short time, destroy all the fruits and 
cattle of his Majesty's dominions. Be- 
sides, our histories of six thousand 
moons make no mention of any other 
regions, than the two great empires of 
Lilliput and Blefuscu. Which two 
mighty powers have, as I was going to 
tell you, been engaged in a most obsti- 
nate war for six and thirty moons past. 

It began upon the following occasion. 
It is allowed on all hands, that the 
primitive way of breaking eggs before 
we eat them, was upon the larger end: 
but his present Majesty's grandfather, 
while he was a boy, going to eat an 
egg, and breaking it acording to the 
ancient practice, happened to cut one of 
his fingers. Whereupon the Emperor 
his father published an edict, com- 
manding all his subjects, upon great 
penalties, to break the smaller end of 
their eggs. The people so highly re- 
sented this law, that our histories tell 
us there have been six rebellions raised 
on that account; wherein one Emperor 
lost his life, and another his crown. 
These civil commotions were constant- 
ly fomented by the monarchs of 
Blefuscu; and when they were quelled, 
the exiles always fled for refuge to 
that empire. It is computed, that eleven 
thousand persons have, at several times, 


suffered death, rather than submit to 
break their eggs at the smaller end. 

Now the Big-Endian exiles have 
found so much credit in the Emperor 
of Blefuscu's court, and so much pri- 
vate assistance and encouragement 
from their party here at home, that a 
bloody war hath been carried on be- 
tween the two empires for six and 
thirty moons with various success; dur- 
ing which time we have lost forty 
capital ships, and a much greater num- 
ber of smaller vessels, together with 
thirty thousand of our best seamen and 
soldiers; and the damage received by 
the enemy is reckoned to be somewhat 
greater than ours. However, they have 
now equipped a numerous fleet, and 
are just preparing to make a descent 
upon us; and his Imperial Majesty, 
placing great confidence in your valour 
and strength, hath commanded me to 
lay this account of his affairs before 

I desired the Secretary to present my 
humble duty to the Emperor, and to let 
him know, that I thought it would not 
become me, who was a foreigner, to 
interfere with parties; but I was ready, 
with the hazard of my life, to defend 
his person and state against all in- 

The Empire of Blefuscu is an island 
situated to the north-north-east side of 
Lilliput, from whence it is parted only 
by a channel of eight hundred yards 
wide. I had not yet seen it, and upon 
this notice of an intended invasion, I 
avoided appearing on that side of the 
coast, for fear of being discovered by 
some of the enemy's ships, who had 
received no intelligence of me, all in- 
tercourse between the two empires hav- 
ing been strictly forbidden during the 
war, upon pain of death, and an em- 
bargo laid by our Emperor upon all 
vessels whatsoever. I communicated to 
his Majesty a project I had formed of 
seizing the enemy’s whole fleet: which, 
as our scouts assured us, lay at anchor 
in the harbour ready to sail with the 
first fair wind. I consulted the most 
experienced seamen, upon the depth of 
the channel, which they had often 
plumbed, who told me, that in the 
middle at high-water it was seventy 
glumgluffs deep, which is about six 
foot of European measure; and the rest 
of it fifty glumgluffs at most. I walked 
towards the north-east coast over 
against Blefuscu; and lying down be- 
hind a hillock, took out my small poc- 


ket perspective-glass, and viewed the 
enemy's fleet at anchor, consisting of 
about fifty men of war, and a great 
number of transports: I then came 
back to my house, and gave order (for 
which I had a warrant) for a great 
quantity of the strongest cable and 
bars of iron. The cable was about as 
thick as packthread, and the bars of 
the length and size of a knitting- 
needle. I trebled the cable to make it 
stronger, and for the same reason I 
twisted three of the iron bars together, 
binding the extremities into a hook. 
Having thus fixed fifty hooks to as 
many cables, I went back to the north- 
east coast, and putting off my coat, 
shoes and stockings, walked into the 
sea in my leathern jerkin, about half 
an hour before high water. I waded 
with what haste I could, and swam in 
the middle about thirty yards till I felt 
ground; I arrived at the fleet in less 
than half an hour. The enemy was so 
frightened when they saw me, that they 
leaped out of their ships, and swam 
to shore, where there could not be 
fewer than thirty thousand souls. I then 
took my tackling, and fastening a hook 
to the hole at the prow of each ship, 

I tied all the cords together at the end. 
While I was thus employed, the enemy 
discharged several thousand arrows, 
many of which stuck in my hands and 
face; and besides the excessive smart, 
gave me much disturbance in my work. 
My greatest apprehension was for my 
eyes, which I should have infallibly 
lost, if I had not suddenly thought of 
an expedient. I kept among other little 
necessaries a pair of spectacles in a 
private pocket, which, as I observed be- 
fore, had escaped the Emperor's search- 
ers. These I took out and fastened as 
strongly as I could upon my nose, and 
thus armed went on boldly with my 
work in spite of the enemy's arrows, 
many of which struck against the glass- 
es of my spectacles, but without any 
other effect, further than a little to 
discompose them. I had now fastened 
all the hooks, and taking the knot in 
my hand, began to pull; but not a ship 
would stir, for they were all too fast 
held by their anchors, so that the bold- 
est part of my enterprise remained. I 
therefore let go the cord, and leaving 
the hooks fixed to the ships, I resolute- 
ly cut with my knife the cables that 
fastened the anchors, receiving above 
two hundred shots in my face and 
hands; then I took up the knotted end 


of the cables to which my hooks were* 
tied, and with great ease drew fifty of 1 
the enemy's largest men-of-war after | 

The Blefuscudians, who had not the j 
I«ast imagination of what I intended, ! 
were at first confounded with aston- 
ishment. They had seen me cut the 
cables, and thought my design was only 
to let the ships run a-drift, or fall foul 
on each other: but when they perceived 
the whole fleet moving in order, and 
saw me pulling at the end, they set up 
such a scream of grief and despair, 
that it is almost impossible to describe 
or conceive. When I had got out of 
danger, I stopt awhile to pick out the 
arrows that stuck in my hands, and 
face, and rubbed on some of the same 
ointment that was given me at my first 
arrival, as I have formerly mentioned. 

I then took off my spectacles, and wait- 
ing about an hour, till the tide was a 
little fallen, I waded through the 
middle with my cargo, and arrived safe 
at the royal port of Lilliput. 

The Emperor and his whole court 
stood on the shore expecting the issue 
of this great adventure. They saw the 
ships move forward in a large half- 
moon, but could not discern me, who 
was up to my breast in water. When 
I advanced to the middle of the chan- 
nel, they were yet in more pain, because 
I was under water to my neck. The 
Emperor concluded me to be drowned, 
and that the enemy's fleet was ap- 
proaching in a hostile manner: but he 
was soon eased of his fears, for the 
channel growing shallower every step 
I made, I came in a short time within 
hearing, and holding up the end of 
the cable by which the fleet was fast- 
ened, I cried in a loud voice. Long live 
the most puissant Emperor of Lilliput! 
This great prince received me at my 
landing with all possible encomiums, 
and created me a Nardac upon the 
spot, which is the highest title of hon- 
our among them. 

The reader may remember, that 
when I signed those articles upon 
which I recovered my liberty, there 
were some which I disliked upon ac- 
count of their being too servile, neither 
could anything but an extreme neces- 
sity have forced me to submit. But be- 
ing now a Nardac, of the highest rank 
in that empire, such offices were look- , 
ed upon as below my dignity, and the 
Emperor (to do him justice) never 
once mentioned them to me. However, j 


not long before I had an op- 
portunity of doing his Majesty, at least, 
I then thought, a most signal ser- 
:. I was alarmed at midnight with 
cries of many hundred people at 
my door; by which being suddenly 
awaked, 1 was in some kind of terror. 
I heard the word burglum repeated in- 
cessantly: several of the Emperor's 
court, making their way through the 
crowd, entreated me to come imme- 
diately to the palace, where her Imper- 
ial Majesty's apartment was on fire, by 
the carelessness of a maid of honour, 
who fell asleep while she was reading 
a romance. I got up in an instant; and 
orders being given to clear the way be- 
fore me, and it being likewise a moon- 
shine night, I made a shift to get to 
the Palace without trampling on any 
of the people. I found they had al- 
ready applied ladders to the walls of 
the apartment, and were well provided 
with buckets, but the water was at 
some distance. These buckets were 
about the size of a large thimble, and 


the poor people supplied me with them 
as fast as they could; but the flame was 
so violent that they did little good. I 
might easily have stifled it with my 
coat, which I unfortunately left behind 
me for haste, and came away only in 
my leathern jerkin. The case seemed 
wholly desperate and deplorable; and 
this magnificent palace would have in- 
fallibly been burnt down to the ground, 
if, by a presence of mind, unusual to 
me, I had not suddenly thought of an 
expedient. I had the evening before 
drunk plentifully of a most delicious 
wine, called glimigrim, (the Blefuscu- 
dians call it flunec, but ours is esteem- 
ed the better sort) which is very diure- 
tic. By the luckiest chance in the world, 
I had not discharged myself of any part 
of it. The heat I had contracted by 
coming very near the flames, and by 
labouring to quench them, made the 
wine begin to operate by urine; which 
I voided in such a quantity, and ap- 
plied so well to the proper places, that 
in three minutes the fire was wholly 


extinguished, and the rest of that noble 
pile, which had cost so many ages in 
erecting, preserved from destruction. 

It was now day-light, and I returned 
to my house without waiting to con- 
gratulate with the Emperor: because, 
although I had done a very eminent 
piece of service, iyet 1 could not tell 
how his Majesty might resent the man- 
ner by which I had performed it: for, 
by the fundamental laws of the realm, 
it is capital in any person, of what 
quality soever, to make water within 
the precincts of the palace. But I was 
a little comforted by a message from 
his Majesty, that he would give orders 
to the Grand Judiciary for passing my 
pardon in form; which, however, I 
could not obtain. And I was privately 
assured, that the Empress, conceiving 
the greatest abhorrence of what I had 
done, removed to the most distant side 
of the court, firmly resolved that those 
buildings should never be repaired for 
her use. 


* 


j&smmgL 


tMl & 





29 


QUIZ 

A re you a CONFORMIST? 


A battle is raging regarding the supposed Ameri- 
can desire to "be like everyone else”. Those people 
who want to be like everyone else are called Con- 
formists; those who want to "be individuals" are 
called Non-conformists; those who don't care are 


called Suspicious. This test is designed to tell you 
what you are — Conformist or Non-conformist. 
Each check in the Conformist column is worth 
10 points; Each check in the Non - conformist 
column is worth whatever you feel like scoring. 



ttpHTiri it tirn 

fSSK 


1~] Non-conformists hale show- 
off ami false pride; to prove 
this, they hale material things. 


□ Nonconformists assert them* 
selves und their individuality; 
live in variety of town houses. 




c illiterate 

and you'll 



TRUMP 

Comic 

page 



Ir 

'L AB R 

howdy, jfoAisy 

MAMMV V TJJTSJ 
an' rappy ) MOB; j 
YACKUM.' 

&•( you GAVE ME A START, CHILE, ) WE JES SEEN 
^ COMIN' UP BEHIND ME LIKE VsETTIN' HERE 
y THA7. r WHAT WITH ALL THE \CUTTIN' JAGGED 
/ SUSPENSE ENDINGS IN THIS ] EOGES IN L'L 
\ COMIC, I'M GETTING TO BE / AB'R'S SHIRTS' 

ENNYUV 

Y O SEEt> \CUT OUT THAT MC 
L'L AB’R? TALK, DAISY MO 
AH CAN'T J HARDLY READ WH 
FIN' 7M \ SAYING UP THERE 
NOWHARS [THAT CRAZY PUNCT 
NOHAOW/y WHUT YOU WANT TO 
-<£j£R FOR? j 1 | 

Ck ^ lBO)UTA- Jj 

~ ,^T AH HAS A 

xintain \ tant - 

E' 1 CAIN'T ) QUESTION 
JT YOU'RE /TO A6K 
WITH ALL\ HIM -NAMELY 
DAT ION.' / 

* | 

please read 

YOU WANT MILK? BUTT 
YOU DO IS THINK OF 
PRODUCES IT. HOW ‘ 
WANT A NEW DRESS ? 
THAT ONE YOU GOT 
I ETTIN ' N 

ER ? A ROLLS ROYCE ? ALL ) L'L AB'R - ALL 1 
IT AN' THE SHMEE <WANT RIGHT NOW 

OUT IT, DAISY MOE? YOU XlS A ANSWER TO 
YOU H'AIN'T NEVER TOOK / MAH QUESTION - 
3N OFF IN THE LAS' TEN /WHUT DO VOU 

a uviNpy 

ER - YO 'ALL WILL HAVE TO EXC 
ME, DAISY MOE.' HYAR COME 
TORNADOE McBCHNGBOING SO 
BASH ME ON THE HAID FO' T 
y^EAMY_WHEAT ‘ COMMEfi 

USE GO -ON FRY ME 
UP A MESS O’ 
N'TO/ 'CREAMY 
HE < WHEAT' SO'S 
CIAL.'/I KIN HAVE 
ENERGY TO K 

illit 

1 STRANGF - THEM ROYS IOOK 1 IHF THEY COMF FRI JM ) { TUCOC V HOWDY 1 WUIIT ^ IT CAI 1 FD A 'PIAI n SHMA/=FAr;i F* 1 


THESE MOUNTAINS- YET I H 'AIN'T SURE. SEEMS TO " 
I SEE'D 'EM AROUN' T'OTHER PAY AT THE GENERAL 
STORE MAGAZINE RACK WHERE I WUZ SNITCHIN' 
LOOKS AT ESQUIRE MAGAZINE f 




©F IFW) 

IN INDUS 

a mm 3 

WiJUt' 'cJbk^ 

WHAT DO HE DO FO‘ A LIVING? ALL 

ME DO ALL DAY IS HAVE ADVENTURES 
DAY AFTER DAY, NOTHIN' BUT ADVENTUR 
HOW DO HE SUPPORT US? HOW OO 

2 LE'S ASK HIM, J HOWDY, FOLKS' WF 

\ CHILE.’ HYAR N. LOOK3T WHAT Dll 

ES.' ICOME L'L AB'R 1 AH FOUND.’ L 

/ NOW — ABOUT A- ^ AS 

— ^ to start Mea y 

^^HOTHER^ADVENTURE^I^^^* ^ 

L ka 

UT ) IT CALLED A ’SHMEE? THIS HYAR SHMEE, IT \ 
AT, J DO EVERVTHANG.' YOU WANT EGGS, IT J 
L S LAY EGGS.' YOU DON 1 LIKE RAW EGGS, IT J 
^R^^Y^WTD- BOILED EGGS’ HOW VOU^A 


across 







TRUMP 

magazine 

P ictured left is an old 
group portrait taken 
a year ago. This in- 
teresting daguerrotype 
shows the then staff 
of Trump, a short-lived 
satire magazine. 

Yes, by George . . . 
that's us! The staff of 
Humbug. 

With permission of 
Hugh M. Hefner, pub- 
lisher of Trump and 
of Playboy, the soph- 
isticated entertainment 
magazine for urban 
men, we are reprinting 
on the next fifteen 
pages some of the best 
material from the only 
two issues of Trump 
printed and 
of you 
to 








9 . 



Hunting is too one-sided. To survive, animals have been forced 
to develop amazingly keen senses of hearing, sight, and smell. 
Hunters hear, see, and smell as bad as ever. It's just not 
fair the way animals have everything stacked in their favor. 




Hunters are weak. 


Hm 

jm,.. 


ANIMALS 
HAVE FINE 
ABILITIES 
FOR SURVIVAL 

Sc X - 


MM 

Animals are strong 

can fly. . . . 


' t 

• f 

HUNTER’S 
ABILITIES ARE 
INFERIOR BY 
COMPARISON 

* 


f 

■*** • . ; 

jgy 






Note how (lucks were completely 
fooled by well made decoy into 
thinking it was just another duck. 


.move slowly swim poorly unadaptable 


. have blinding speed swim perfectly . . 


* 1 ? 




.live any place 






1 




Killing animals it easy at pie when hunter learns to hit vital organs (dark areas) like heart, lungs, and (Ugh) kidneys. 


SITTING DUCKS 


— 

VITAL KILL AREAS 


IMPORTANT RULE for hunter sportsmen is - shoot to kill. The sight of 
wounded animals staggering thru the forest bloody and howling in pain, 
can be, to say the least . . . disgusting. Big guns used at close range and 
aimed at vital organs will bring the beast down to stay. A few more blasts 
while he lays there won’t hurt any either. In fact, it might be fun. 


CAMERA GUN 

A READER CANNOT experience the real thrill of 
hunting unless he gets a real gun’s eye view of it. That's 
why we mounted a movie camera onto a gun and 
hired a seasoned woodsman to carry out this assignment. 
Our sports editor, however, had other ideas. His motto 
is, "If you want something done well, do it yourself!" 
And so he did. After five weeks in the woods, he returned 
with 7,098 feet of film strapped to his jeep's fenders, 
right is best example of the shooting he did. 





This was on 6,733 feet of film before he turned camera around. 









ijlMOiS panuquoo pue apneai Aiojaejsijes jo uoijejood 
•«a am Ml!" PJBMJOJ S)joo| inq 'gggj ueq| leaA aAjjijad 
-woo amui c aq him ^ggj jeqj spaflxa )uauia3eueui moj, 


ssauisnq jo 
jno 08 Aew dm 


au{Luujn|uein)SD!puep 

ai|) pdJDJfO UDDp DA t DM 


saamosai sj* uapeojq pue suojjejado sji AjisjaAip 
o) uieiBoid a3uej*3uO| e uaqejjapun seq Aueduioo in ox 


'ino8u|||Ds 
DJB SJ0)D8J|P Dill 


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-ap jno uassai him |oej a« qoiqM joejiuoa juauiUJaAog 
mo jo uoi|euiuii|a aqj ui pajaaijat si aseajoap siqj 
'jeaA jse| ueqi japeuis si sjopio JO Boppeq aqj q3noqj|V 


)no pueq 
sjm L|)iM jqSnea 
sem jsjAqqoi jno 


auioojno aqj 0| se aouapjjuoo qjiM pue A||eoi|si|eaj 
siuaiqojd asaqj aoej oj paddinba pue pajedaid Ajinj si 
|i jeqj s|aaj juauia3eueui moA sales mo joajje ainjoj 
aqj ui Aeui saiiaAoasip oqaqiuAs leqi aiuj si |i apuM 


qaojs |euo|j|ppe anssi o| papioap uaaq seq ji 
’ djqsiauMO a)|qnd jo aseq mo uapeojq oj so joj japio uj 


saiiiAijoe qaieasaj pue saps mo jo 
uoiieoijisua|ui aqj ajjdsap ‘sqjuoui juaaoi ui apeui uaaq 
axeq sasuadxa 3ui|ejado ui suojjonpaj |ei)uejsqns taqjmj 


jeaA siq| puapjAip aq| 
aanpaj o| papiaap uaaq seq ji ‘|ejideo 3uiqjOM s.Aueduioo 
moA aseaioui oj japio ui pue 'amseatu Aieioduioj e ay 


: S0V3d IdOdBa 3H1 N3HM 


sn jo peDqe Abm 
si uoiujaduioo jno 

*S)U;od IBJ3A3S 
dojp ||jM qoojs sqx 


sjjo-Aei |eJDAas 
uaaq aneq ajaqx 

uaaop aje s 3 u)ujb 3 

SNV3W II 


■ssauisnq uoauaiuy ut dxqssaumo jo apud staqj oj ainqujuoa pun 
saxuodiuoa Jiai/j puotsjapun jj/p/q sjapjoqqoojs djaq oj pauStsap 
‘Suipoas ajouodjoa o ) apinS sii/j ‘ji jauaq jiat/j joj juasajd 3/\\ '/iSo/o 
-asouqd puo uoSjoI ssauisnq uoijimvfun o ; pasodxa fuioq aj» a/doad 
fiunm ‘sqaojs Suisvipund suoauauiy jo saqxunu Suisuajoui un qi!/Yi 


laodsa ivnNNv nv 
avaa 01 MOH 




More to come on the next page, gang, following this tantalizing peek into a typical T.V. adventure of . . . 


TIN RIN RIN TIN RIN 


^ bas been said that after observing 
Rover, one finds it hard to deny the 
— ^ Mfnm. theory of evolution. Watching how 
smart these dogs are in movies and on TV, the 
evolution is very clear. Obviously, human beings 
have evolved into dogs, who are clearly a 
superior form of life. For what man can match 
the dog in being man’s best friend, being able 
to sense the presence of supernatural forces, 
and being able to leap off the rock and grab 


the crook’s gun-hand— (when chosen for acting, 
if they leap off the rock and grab the crook’s pant 
seat, they’re fired). Hearts of viewers are being 
won by the dogs teamed with little kids. These 
dogs are creating an appreciation of nature’s crea- 
tures ... an appreciation of the meaning of 
appreciation of 

cereal. One such dog is TIN- -ir - 
RIN-RIN-TIN-RIN, who is 
seen on television as follows. 



LLUSTR ATIONS BY JACK 




Hey Tinnyl Let's see ' 
you go to the store 
and fetch me two plugs 
of Old Yellowstain 
chewin' tobacco, and 
[a copy of Confidential, 


Hey, Irvy! These boys don't be- 
lieve Tinny is smart. Show ’em 
how Tinny understands anything. 


IJuillcts. 


Go ahead I 


(Good bwah, Tinny! 
[Good dog bwnhl 


receipt. 


Go] 

ahead, 


Huff wurf hurf?l 


understands. 


fHurf wurf? 



■my! I hate to keep bothering you, but this smug- 
gling guns to the Indians business has got Wash- 
ington on my back— and I'd sure appreciate if you 
and Tinny could help me— even a teenchy bit . . , 


'Irvy! Call Tinny offl 
Crimanetalies! That n 
hasn’t done anything. 


, Tinny boy I | 
you mutt you! UjR 


(Tinny! Come back here Tinny ! 1 
I To the rear, h'arch! 



[ Irvy! One of these 
days I’m telling you 
we're going to have to 
muzzle Tinny — attack- 
ing strangers thataway! 


Anyhow— back to the Indian gun 
smuggling business — you and 
Tinny help me out, maybe I can 
arrange to take you off K.P. 
— or maybe a weekend pass.,.. 


[Hey- ~ 
[ will you tell 
| this dog to 
[ quit shoving mell 


good dog, 

I Lieutenant) 


Tensh-HUT! Heel, Tinny! HeelTi 
Get away from the Lieutenant 
or I'll give you my heel! J 


'Ifhe 


attacks 


someone. 


he's got 


a good 


reason. J 




[Hey— will you ■ 

tell this dog to 
I quit dragging me 
[across the ground?] 


minute 
, I do believe 
is trying to 
- something! 


-It’s two 
words! 


f Okay for you ] 
Tinny! Now 
hear this! 
Tomorrow, | 


1 think 
you’re right 


bwah? [ 


the leash! 






Sho’ nuff, here are the 
rifles Tinny’s uncanny ani- 
,mal senses have led us to. 


Good old Tinny. His uncanny animal senses] 
probably tell him where the smugglers 
are keeping the rifles for the indians. J 


Plus there’s a dead p 
cat Tinny’s uncanny 
mal senses have led u 






FOLLOW ME! 



[Tinny boy ... I repeat . . . 
the necessity to untie me 
with speed and dispatch is 
l of the utmost importance. 


[Now untie me. Tinny, before 
' the fuse burns down to the 
powder keg. Let me urge upon 
you the necessity for speed. 


[ / cannot impress upon you too 
strongly the absolute necessity 
I of untying me with extreme 
quickness , Tinny boy. 


Tie him up good, 
boy! That’s it, 
boy ... a bowline 
I and a sheepshank . 



[ He’s probably 
| going to 
rescue Irvy 
from this 
bad-guy's 
I headquarters. 


But— but I'm not the 
bad guy. I'm the good 
guy. Tinny and lrvy 
are the bad guys. 1 
just saw them selling 
i rifles to the Indians. 


Well, if] 
Tinny i 
left, he 
had a 
good 


[he left. 


[Well — if you're not one 

of the! 

bad guys, and if Irvy is 

one of 1 

1 the bad guys instead of 

one of 1 

1 the good guys, and if Tinny is 1 

1 on the bad guy's side— then who 1 

t"" 1 e - 1 — —»» “ 




I'M THE DOG CATCHER! 


And so, TIN-TIN-MN-TIN MN-RIN-TIN and Irvy 
end another adventure. We recommend you watch 
these shows about boys and dogs, whether it be 
about Tinny, Lassicdog or Muggs — there is much 


to learn from contemplating the simple bond between 
a boy and his dog . . . that silent force that ties 

two creatures and two hearts together yes 

you guessed it . . . the leashl END 



MEDNICK 


tellers continued from page 2 

My school has long been a supporter 
of MAD, and they didn't appreciate 
Humbug. Then an assortment of maga- 
zines, calling themselves humorous, 
came out. They were, namely: FRENZY, 
CRACKED and THIMK. Many of the 
students grabbed for these and thought 
them very funny, but I stayed in there 
plugging for HUMBUG. I questioned 
my friends night and day about this 
subject and all I got was an assorted 
list of favorites, in order. Of course, 
all of them had MAD at the top, fol- 
lowed by those others. They just don t 
seem to appreciate your humor. Through 
my efforts, however, I have pursuaded 
kids to buy the pocket-book of HUM- 
BUG and they all liked it. I think that 
if I keep it up, HUMBUG'S circulation 
may increase. Actually though, you of 
Humbug shouldn't feel bad, because 
most of the students I asked told me 
that HUMBUG has too much reading 
matter and not enough comics . 

— John Emelin 
Larchmont, N. Y. 

I have only one thing to say for your 
mag (?): "It makes me even MADder 
than ever for your competitor's maga- 
zine.” — Ron Scheibner 

APO, San Francisco 

FISHER 

How would youfe like it if fomebody 
wrote you a letter like thif. Yor article 
fcrawled by E. Fifher waf juft af hard 
to read af thif letter if. 

— Martin Kohn 

Brooklyn, N. Y. 

ihrtwe open cahineii and they re percei \ 
a young ladye, verye faire and neiily drefi 
who teemed no whit difeompofed by 
outraged exportations, nor by the ord 
of her five dayes concealment in sw ) 
narrowe quartyers. She is ycieped GWF, 
NA HARDYNG, and is sole heiress of 
rich Sir ANDREW HARDYNG; she 
greene-eyed. redde-haired and verye fie 
tempered, meseemeih the fpoiled darl 
o/ an overindulgent parent. Defpite 
cold reaclyon towyard her prefence in ■ 
mid ft she wonne the hearts of all the cri 
that night by cookyng them “the firft go, 
mele they ete since leaving Terra". I wo 
tafte none of yt, howyvyr, which mayde 

Sulk mot! rhnrminolpy 

Fifher article 


Two issues ago, in Humbug No. 9, 
you printed a fantastic letter from some 
clods at St. Josephs Prep who mainly 
wanted to start a Seymour Mednick Fan 
Club, and many people were interested 
enough to send a letter. We've gotten 
them from all over . , . from Renton, 
Washington to Brookfield, Mass. . . . 
from Houston, Texas to Ann Arbor, 
Michigan . . . 

We are printing bulletins, member- 
ship cards and pictures about Seymour, 
to be given to the newly acquired mem- 
bers of the club ... — Richard Corliss 
Pres. Seymour Mednick Fan Club 
6910 Heyward Street 
Philadelphia 19, Pa. 




• AN FBANCIBCO 


Western Card 


HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL 

We would like to compliment Hum- 
bug for the appearance of "Have Gun 
Will Travel” business cards. We are 
doing a thriving business . . . 

— Richard Merchant 
Robert Wilkins 
Jamestown, N. Y. 

I like your "Have Gun Will Travel" 
cards and 19 other boys would like 
more like this: "Have Zipgun Will 
Travel". — Robert Zinner 

Los Angeles, Calif. 

Your Useful Cut-Out Cards in your 
June issuefl think they were in your 
issue of Humbug. I know they were in 



Freberg 


mine) may have filled a profound need 
in the East, but out West here we use 
cards like the one enclosed . . . 

I am happy to note that you feel the 
same way I do about my friend and 
neighbor Stan Freberg and his Good 
Works ... — Easy Sloman 

CBS TV 

Hollywood, Calif. 

FREBERG 

Stan Freberg has shown me the light. 
Right after I finish writing this letter 
1 am going to go out and buy his new 
reedrd ! — John Welsh 

Stratford, Conn. 
Stan Freberg is a genius! Has everyone 
seen his ventriloquist act on TV? Hoo- 
ray for Stan Freberg. — ed. 

DAVE GARROWAY 
. . . Dave Garroway displayed Hum- 
bug, among other magazines read by 
teen-agers on this mornings program. 

— Robert B. Immordino 
Trenton, N. J. 

Indeed he did. This lovely fellow has 
been generously plugging our maga- 
zines for many years now and would 
that we could do as much for his show 
which is a favorite of ours and we hope 
yours; and needs no plugging. — ed. 

WHO GETS KILLED 
. . . you blundered in one of the 
"you know who" gets killed panels. In 
"A Quiet Night" on page 32, the woman 


MORE FAUBUS 



- Hostrl tov chon* 


little condensation of 
Humbug past can be had 
ce. 40c takes one away. 

orever — if you don't. 


gee dad - it's HUMBUG 
JEWELRY 


THE HUMBUG DIGEST 


DOES YOUR HUMBUG COLLECTION LAY AROUND LOOSE? 


We have bound back issues of the first 9 Humbugs into a hard- 
cover book which we are selling to you collectors for $2.50. 
Send loot to Humbug Hard-Cover Book, 598 Madison Ave., N. Y.C. 


concerning the very Honorable Gover- 
nor Paubus, I have but one question to 

publish such cheap, rotten tripe . , .M 
You must have hit rock bottom fot 1 
satirical material or you arc filthy car- j 
petbaggers — Rebel Hoker 1 
Raleigh, N. C. J 


The Grand Humbug Award couldn't I 
have gone to a more deserving recipient. 

Commander Paubus is unexcelled ... j 
Thank the Lord that we have such out- 

NAAWP and the Ku Klux Klan to de- 
fend us against the black enemy! 

— David Paul Sexton 1 
Mt. San Antonio College j 

nor Orval Paubus of Arkansas.' j 


Humbug Award Winner as the mo 
"humorcsquclcss" humbugger of tf 

Port Leonard Wood, M 


Humbug is undoubtedly one of the I 
best mags of its type tin the market, I 

flirts humorous . . . your "digs" at the | 

Milan Dincen pointed out, the North I 
is as bad if not worse . . stop trying to 1 
make such a terrible situation funny. I 
- Hugh Redtnon 1 
Oklahoma City, Okla, 1 


around, severely injured our foreign J 
policy. He deserves all the lampooning fl 

— Robert S. Griswold 1 1 


and forget political lies . . When al 
humorous magazine prints an article I 
which has some political source, people . 
should realize the article is cntiicly in I 
fun. — Dennis Baton I 


DISTRIBUTION 

I have to buy my Humbug out of I 

mag to the Milford Bus Terminal at 1 ' 
Southeast Front Street. Milford, Del- 1 

Gilford. DeLj 

Your gluddfluggle distribution dp ; 
partment didn't get No. 9 around my 
way ... — Jack Clarke t 

Wonder Lake. Illinois ! 

The distribution of HUMBUG has been 
a wonder to us through the career of ; 
HUMBUG. We know the magazines 
leave the plant and go somewhere — , 
but where — only Judge Crater can tell. ■ 

S|£fc>i siIJsjk 

Address Mail to HUMBUG Magazine 
598 Madison Ave., New York 22. N. Y. j 





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A After you have purchased only four comic strips, you 
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